The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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