Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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