OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
