Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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