So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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