Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
