I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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