he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
