elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
