There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
