why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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