Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
