You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
