My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
