I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize