i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
