He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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