I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
