No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
