2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
