it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
