I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
