just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
