I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
