My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
