Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
