people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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