Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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