I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas