Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right? http://tfl.nu/rwt1
  Replies (37) Good night (710) Bad night (6702)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt
  Replies (43) Good night (6420) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal http://tfl.nu/wd7r
  Replies (18) Good night (1333) Bad night (3993)
• Favorite

  (366): View more from

  just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her. http://tfl.nu/eijl
  Replies (7) Good night (4661) Bad night (1325)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (21) Good night (6616) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park. http://tfl.nu/t1o0
  Replies (7) Good night (793) Bad night (2296)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke. http://tfl.nu/6dxv
  Replies (7) Good night (1647) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/4ub5
  Replies (16) Good night (2807) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while. http://tfl.nu/y6er
  Replies (10) Good night (1104) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee. http://tfl.nu/13nr
  Replies (3) Good night (2109) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day. http://tfl.nu/3m26
  Replies (4) Good night (550) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this http://tfl.nu/f56c
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here? http://tfl.nu/28so
  Replies (7) Good night (307) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase. http://tfl.nu/fzjk
  Replies (9) Good night (828) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head. http://tfl.nu/ufex
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (253)

Randomize