just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
