Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (190) Good night (57852) Bad night (5040)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.

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  (360): So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times. http://tfl.nu/ca4m
  Replies (5) Good night (4301) Bad night (571)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...

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  (203): i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room... http://tfl.nu/dscd
  Replies (17) Good night (701) Bad night (8111)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Let me guess--your parents are cousins.

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  (337): Let me guess--your parents are cousins. http://tfl.nu/a2p5
  Replies (22) Good night (908) Bad night (4881)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

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  (702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1
  Replies (16) Good night (7127) Bad night (1234)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (52545) Bad night (2602)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

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  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (49) Good night (6100) Bad night (4674)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated

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  (206): Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated http://tfl.nu/xvfw
  Replies (10) Good night (695) Bad night (3103)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.

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  (917): Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you. http://tfl.nu/j1py
  Replies (6) Good night (3489) Bad night (949)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies

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  (636): If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies http://tfl.nu/2ary
  Replies (3) Good night (1002) Bad night (1468)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.

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  (517): all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings. http://tfl.nu/fkoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2349) Bad night (614)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?

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  (479): Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion? http://tfl.nu/7a2v
  Replies (21) Good night (1724) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.

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  (727): There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW. http://tfl.nu/nqj8
  Replies (6) Good night (737) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick

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  (516): I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick http://tfl.nu/9fbv
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.

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  (212): He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose. http://tfl.nu/cetz
  Replies (0) Good night (487) Bad night (261)

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