i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
