i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.