Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!