if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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