I hate all girls vehemently.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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