Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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