i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
