Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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