Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
