community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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