omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
