I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
