Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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