Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
