No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
