some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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