So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
