Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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