hotel room ftw
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
