i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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