This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
