Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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