All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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