Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
