do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This house was built for laser tag.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
