the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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