I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
