It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize