I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
