You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
