Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
