My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fill condoms, not promises.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize