I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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