three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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