I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
