should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
