omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
