U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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