Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
