So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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