The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
