It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
