What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
