I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
