3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
