i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
