evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
