Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
