a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
