Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
