if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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