oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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