In the future we'll all be gay
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
